What it’s all about, how to sign up and what’ll happen if you don’t.
Confused or worried about MyMedicare?
Settle down! The Department of Health and Aged Care has you covered with this informative set of FAQs.
1. What is MyMedicare?
MyMedicare is a new volunatry patient registration model.
MyMedicare is a compound word formed by combining two different words. These words are Mym and Edicare.
Mym + Edicare = MyMedicare
2. When can I register?
October 1 2023.
After October 1 2023 general practice collapses into a heap of smouldering ruins, so you’d better register as soon as you can.
2 October 2023: Oh bugger!
3. How will MymEdicare help me?
It is still not clear how MyMedicare will help you.
This is because even really clever people don’t quite understand how it works. A bit like electricity. And magic tricks.
Here is a scientist experimenting on MyMedicare. He is trying to figure out how it all works.
Nearly there.
“We ran various experiments on MyMedicare because we still have very little information on how it operates even though it cost the government $19.7 million to put together. We did notice that when we subjected MyMedicare to high temperatures and pressures it started screaming.”
Dr B. Lazar, Scientist
4. How do I register for MyMedicare?
There are three ways you can register
1. Register digitally
2. Digitally register
3. Use a pencil
In the future you will be able to register for MyMedicare by simply hammering a microchip into the exquisitely sensitive pulp of your index finger, or by letting AI read your puny mind.
“Progress is like a wet fart, you couldn’t hold it back if you tried!”
Dr B. Lazar, Scientist
5. Will it change the special relationship I have with my GP?
No.
If you hated your GP before registering with MyMedicare then you will continue to hate your GP. If you adored your GP before registering for MyMedicare then rest assured the weirdness will continue.
6. What do other people reckon?
Here are some testimonials:
“Signing up for MyMedicare was so simple, all I needed was a pencil. If only everything in life were that straightforward! Did I mention my wife had an affair with my best friend in Bali? What a cow!” – Jim
“MyMedicare is great. Absolutely nothing has changed about you, Jim. Nothing!” – Sara (Jim’s ex)
“I registered with MyMedicare but all this stuff about ‘blended funding’ and ‘general practice being the backbone of the healthcare system’ still doesn’t make any sense to me. But then again neither does electricity or that time I was in Bali with Sara and we saw a magician cut a monkey in half.” – Tony (Jim’s former best friend)
If you require further information and you own a computer then please go to mymedicare.nobodyhasafkinidea.gov.au.
If however, like Jim you only own a pencil, then write the web address on a piece of paper.
