You must be the new doctor! God, we’re glad you’re here.
Mount Werther Medical Group Introductory Pack
Dear Doctor_______,
Welcome to Mount Werther!
I dare say as the new GP you’re anxious to get settled in so we’ve provided you with this handy introductory pack to help orientate you over the coming weeks.
Mount Werther is a small rural community just 3000km south-north-west of Sydney and a day and a half drive away from the nearest bus-stop. We pride ourselves on being a close-knit yet thoroughly modern community and you’ll never be short of a friend or three.
But first things first: the practice! Mount Werther Medical Group is a modern, forward-thinking and well-equipped practice. Opened in 1997 it comes with its own window, spacious floor and even boasts its very own ceiling fan. Don’t forget there’s also a well trained nurse on hand who can help with dressings (and fix the ceiling fan).
As you know, the nearest hospital is accessible once a week by hover-craft and so all obstetric and surgical emergencies will fall into your capable hands. In no time at all you’ll get to know your patients and become a well recognised and upstanding member of the community.
And if you’re anything like the last doctor all of those emergency shoulder dystocias and appendicetomies will surely build up an appetite! But don’t worry we’ve got hunger covered too. The local supermarket is stocked with the world’s finest merchandise and if they haven’t got what you want be sure to visit Old Papa Jones. He’s the local eccentric and regularly hosts social events and barbecues. He’s world famous in Mount Werther for his smoked meats which all taste a little bit like pork … yes, definitely pork.
And if you think that’s all there is to do you’re wrong. What would a busy thriving community be without the pokies? You can also watch the locals burn out some cars, hunt giant spiders with a cross-bow and of course we have our very own tree. But we’ve saved the best ’til last, he needs no introduction, he is of course Mr McClaw-Face, aka the Big Scorpion who can be seen from outer space.
After a busy day spent healing, fighting off giant spiders and climbing a freakishly tall plastic scorpion a pint at the local agrees with any man.
Mount Werther. A place to thrive. A place to know. A place to drive. A place to grow. A place to love. A place to … oh f**k it . We’re just so very, very glad you’ve made it your home.
PS
If you do happen to hear any unpleasant rumours about your predecessor’s mysterious disappearance then please just ignore them. Here at Mount Werther we prefer to let bygones be bygones and FYI Papa Jones definitely just serves a type of pork … definitely.
