We’re here to help! *In an inconsistent and legally non-protective way.
Dear AskMBS,
Every week my patient books in to see me and brings a stool sample with her. This week she brought it in on a paddle-pop stick with a piece of black cotton poking out of it. She’s convinced that the piece of cotton isn’t a piece of cotton at all, but an evil worm called Sharmanka. Is this a physical or a mental health problem? I’m confused, which MBS item should I bill? Help!
Dr Hugo Ball
Dear Dr Ball,
The AskMBS team strongly advises that you bill the lowest MBS item fee.
Yours sincerely,
The AskMBS team.
Dear AskMBS,
My patient brings photographs into the consultation with her. But these aren’t any old photographs! They’re pictures of her Victorian dolls. Look she says, here are the dolls playing in the garden, here they are baking a cake, here they are having an orgy and here they are preparing to hang a squirrel! She then asks me to take her blood pressure and listen to her heart. She always then asks me to listen to one of her dolls’ hearts as well. Given that the consultation can sometimes run to 45 minutes I’m not sure what to bill, could you please advise me?
Dr Andre Breton
Dear Dr Breton,
The AskMBS team strongly advises that you bill the lowest MBS item fee.
Yours sincerely,
The AskMBS team.
Dear AskMBS,
My patient is studying psychology at university but he’s the biggest procrastinator out there. Every time he has to hand in a piece of coursework one of his grandparents dies. Unfortunately he’s used the same excuse seven times this year. My patient also eats his own hair and bottles his piss in pickle jars. I’m really not sure what to bill, could you please help me.
Dr Yves Tanguy
Dear Dr Tanguy,
The AskMBS team strongly advises that you bill the lowest MBS item fee.
Yours sincerely,
The AskMBS team.
Dear AskMBS,
My patient’s cat is called Mr McPuddock De Paw Paw the Third. Apparently Mr McPuddock has a “nervous skin disorder” and the vet charges a fortune for antibiotics. My patient has taken it upon herself to request prescriptions of cephalexin and diazepam for Mr McPuddock from me. Occasionally she brings in Mr McPuddock and dresses him up in a waistcoat and monocle and tries to pass him off as her dad so she can get her hands on some extra scripts. Ideally what should I be billing in this scenario?
Dr Leonora Carrington,
Dear Dr Carrington,
The AskMBS team strongly advises that you bill the lowest MBS item fee.
Yours sincerely,
The AskMBS team.
Dear AskMBS,
My patient as bugger all wrong with her so she consulted her weird friend Sylvia who studied naturopathy. Sylvia recommended that she get her total body cadmium level checked along with her blood group, morning cortisol and hair magnesium levels. I spent over half an hour patiently trying to explain that Sylvia is full of shit. All to no avail. What should I be charging for this sort of consultation, bearing in mind it ran to well over 40 minutes?
Dr Paul Eluard
Dear Dr Eluard,
The AskMBS team strongly advises that you bill the lowest MBS item fee.
Yours sincerely,
The AskMBS team.
