You can stick your influencers where the sun don’t shine.
If there’s one word that is guaranteed to set your Back Page correspondent’s teeth on edge it’s “wellness”.
We can’t pinpoint a date, but at some stage in the past few years the perfectly functional vernacular use of “health” has been subsumed by this fuzzier “wellness” concept.
The purpose of this linguistic manoeuvre appears to have been contrived primarily by social media hucksters as a method to separate the gullible and vulnerable from the contents of their bank accounts, but we have no proof for this … or do we?
As is our wont, when we need a go-to destination to bolster our conviction that society is truly travelling to hell in a handcart, we look no further than Oscar-winning actor Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop.com.
While it can be hard to ignore such the site’s stunning product offerings such as the “Viva La Vulva” vibrator (a snip at just $US98) or the “Psychic Vampire Repellent Spray” (not making that up, it’s yours for just $US27 a bottle), it’s the stuff that actually quite dangerous to human health that is more concerning.
To be fair to regulators, Paltrow’s company was slapped with a hefty $US145,000 fine back in 2018 for making unsubstantiated marketing claims about the health benefits of jade “yoni eggs”. And health authorities worldwide were quick to publicly debunk la Paltrow’s 2015 suggestions that “vaginal steaming” was actually a good idea, ever.
But given the “wellness” industry was estimated to be valued at $US4.4 billion annual back in 2020, regulators are futilely swimming against a powerful tide.
Take methylene blue, for example. Well, actually, please don’t take it. It’s a disinfectant, anti-parasitic product usually used for cleaning the insides of fish tanks. Unsurprisingly, ingested in large doses it’s toxic to human health.
What it won’t do is what social media influencers are claiming it does, which is work as a “cognitive enhancer” and treatment for conditions such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and other dementias.
There’s myriad other examples of such madness out there, but our all-time favourite barking-moonbat-bonkers “wellness” trend has to be “perineum sunning”.
Influencer Metaphysical Meagan went viral after posting a photo on Instagram promoting the practice, which is exactly what you are mentally picturing it might be.
Our guru claimed that “30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole is the equivalent of a full day of sunlight with your clothes on,” and listed benefits including increased energy, better sleep, and better connection to sexual energy.
Needless to say, this is not a great idea. In fact, the perineum is especially sensitive to sun damage and pointing that area towards our nearest star for any length of time is a good way to increase your risk of developing a skin cancer in a location where you really, really don’t want that to happen.
Not to mention the mental health implications the practice might have on your neighbours.
If you see something that triggers “unwellness”, penny@medicalrepublic.com.au can’t wait to hear all about it.
