More BS-free advice for the stressed GP.
Dear Nan,
I was thinking about referring my sprightly 82-year-old patient Betty to the local book club. Sheâs still mentally very active and enjoys a good conversation. Do you think this is a good idea?
Dr Bill Drummond
Dear Dr Drummond,
Nothing says lonely quite like a book club, does it, Bill? Sitting around reading tedious books with titles like Beneath The Willow Tree, The Silence Between Stars and Echoes From A Distant Shore â it makes me want to launch myself off the cliff of literary boredom just thinking about it.
She wont be sprightly for long if you refer her to a book club, will she, dear? Whatâs wrong with a nice big bottle of brandy?
Dear Nan,
My widowed patient is very lonely and doesnât get out the house much. But what should I prescribe him? I was thinking about a walking group or perhaps a line-dancing class. What do you think?
Dr Jill Chambers
Dear Dr Chambers,
A lot of old people are lonely, Jill, thatâs because everyone they know is either dead or in a nursing home â and thereâs not an awful lot we can do about that, no matter how hard we patronise them.
Iâm not sure about line dancing but I do remember going to a rave once back in the early 90s. Well, when I say remember, I vaguely recall a corn field, the KLF, a big bucket of ecstasy and Ray vomiting behind a bush. Good times!
Dear Nan,
Agnes doesnât get to see her grandchildren much these days, but sheâs always loved arts and crafts. Should I prescribe a knitting class?
Dr Hugo Ball
Dear Dr Ball,
You canât knit your way out of misery, you know. Sheâll start off with tea cosies and cute little hats but before long sheâll be knitting weird cat jumpers and death shrouds. Mark my words and stay away from the wool! Itâs the devilâs spaghetti!
I hope this helps.
Dear Nan,
My patient has always been good with his hands. But since he retired he doesnât use his skills as much and his self-esteem is at an all-time low. Should I refer him to a menâs shed?
Dr Arp
Dear Dr Arp,
Ray joined a woodworking group when he retired. He could make anything out of wood, that man. In fact he made our entire house out of wood, including the lightbulbs. He was so into woodwork that he even had a T-shirt with âI love woodâ written on it. Come to think of it he used to disappear off every Saturday night wearing that T-shirt. Happy days!
