Soon you’ll be able to consult your GP 24 hours a day, through the magic of computers. And brains in vats.
Welcome to The Future Of series.
In this week’s episode we’re going to be looking at the future of general practice.
One day you won’t need to drive or walk or even take a helicopter to see your GP. Bricks and mortar like this will become a thing of the past.
In fact the only thing you’ll need is one of these.
That’s right, it’s a computerxenerrarrium. Or “computer” as its better known. The computer will allow you to speak with your doctor when you are gravely ill, without ever having to leave the comfort of your own living room.
Charles Babbage invented the first computer tens of decades ago and called it the difference engine. The difference engine was used to calculate polynomial functions. Apart from Charles Babbage every body else thought that polynomial functions and the difference engine were really boring.
You couldn’t even use it to play Pong.
But nowadays, you can do almost anything you like on a computer. You can even watch other people having intercourse.
The Future Of spoke with Geoff Benzos, the brain-daddy of Amazin.com, who believes that computers will forge the future of General Practice.
In an exclusive interview Geoff told The Future Of: “Late one evening I was in my office when a book shelf fell on top of me. I was trapped under it for three days with only the Readers Digest and a ham sandwich for company. Ever since then I’ve had a morbid fear of book-shops, and ham. And so I made it my life’s ambition to destroy every single book shop on the planet, which is why I founded Amazin.com.”
Since then the company has continued to grow and diversify. Geoff has been to outer space, where luckily there aren’t any book shops, and he’s even started buying up GP practices and on-line pharmacies in the United States.
We asked Geoff to explain the basic concepts that underpin Amazin’s vision for Australian healthcare.
“Once Amazin.com has bought up all the general practices in the whole of Australia we plan to smash them all up with a wrecking ball, set fire to them and grind their ashes into the dirt.
“Once we’ve done that we’ll surgically remove the doctors’ brains and wire them up to the internet. Patients will then be able to interface with their GP remotely at any time of day or night!”
This is one of the GPs’ brains floating in nutrient jelly. The GP’s brain is screaming “Arhhhhcchhhhhch!” which is future-speak for “How can I help you today?”
Geoff believes that his system will improve accessibility and patients’ overall level of satisfaction with general practice.
But what do the patients themselves think? The Future Of met Greg.
Greg can’t get out much because he has a very rare condition which causes him to compulsively play 1970s board games.
“I have to play Connect 4 and Battleship for at least 18 hours a day,” Greg told The Future Series. “But thanks to Amazin.com I can now use the app to speak directly with my doctor’s brain and get my medication delivered straight to my door. I can also order spare Hungry Hippos parts from Amazin, so Geoff and his team certainly get the thumbs-up from me!”
One day it won’t just be Connect 4 addicts like Greg who’ll benefit from this new approach, it will be all of humanity.
The future’s bright, the future’s Amazin!
Next week on The Future Of: can bats really predict the weather? and we’ll be asking a computer if she can tell the difference between a big happy cat and a small angry dog.
