Take our cybersecurity quiz*

*Clicking on this story may result in identity theft, financial damage and scary men knocking on your door.

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Congratulations! It’s 2023 and despite your best efforts you’re back at work seeing patients.

Not only are you crushingly despondent but you’ve lost that really handy Post-it note which had your password on it and now you’re locked out of your computer as well.

Yes, it’s time to take Professor Candid’s annual cybersecurity quiz.

1. Keeping track of multiple passwords can be a real pain. Should you

A.     Do what everybody else does and use the same password for absolutely everything

B.     Write your password down on a Post-it note and stick it on        your computer 

C.   Use Google manager to manage all of your passwords

2. Which of the following passwords appears to be the strongest?

A.       Password

B.       Password123

C.       Password1234

D.       F#ckyou!!ucra!zy24dumbass33691821mutha!f*cka!!1509xx264##251

3. We’ve all heard of spam haven’t we, but what exactly is spam? Is it 

A.       A sensibly priced yet delicious tinned meat

B.       A bit like phishing but nowhere near as pushy

C.       An unsolicited or unwarranted junk email

4. It’s often been said that a password is like a sex toy. But in what way?

A.       You shouldn’t share it with anyone

B.       Don’t leave it lying around

C.       You should change it regularly

D.       If you think someone else might have used it then it’s time to get a new one

E.       All of the above

5. You receive the following email:

Hello Dear,

Your cat is on fire. YOU MUST ACT IMMEDIATELY. If you want your cat to not be on fire then click on the following link. IMMEDIATELY

Regards kindly,

Amir

PS

IMMEDIATELY!!!

Yourcatisonfireclickheretosavehim.com.au 

Do you:

A.       Click on the link. I mean what harm can it do?

B.       Hover over the link, sneeze and then accidentally click on it

C.       DON’T CLICK ON THE LINK! EVER!

6. You find a mystery USB. Do you

A.       Plug it straight into your computer and find out what’s on it. After all, you love a good mystery

B.       Plug it in to the practice manager’s computer and hope it’s those thousands of skin lesion pictures you lost on the train

C.       Put it in your drawer with all the other mystery USBs 

7. You are tempted to look at a celebrity’s records. Do you

A.       Not click on the celebrity’s records

B.       Click on the celebrity’s records but limit yourself to their sexual health history

C.       If it’s Natalie Imbruglia then click on her records and hope there’s at least a passing reference to the summer of 1998 when you tried to chat her up in the Birmingham university bar. In your defence you’d been drinking pretty much since breakfast and you failed to recognise who she was. True story.  

8. Cybercriminals are predators, a bit like sharks. But how can you spot them?

A.       They look just like sharks

B.       They wear anoraks and like to get your attention by blowing on your neck

C.       It’s impossible to spot them. In fact, experts believe they have a vacancy which occupies the space where most other people have faces 

9. It’s your first day back at work and you have locked yourself out of your computer.  

IT will email you a new password but the problem is you can’t access your email to retrieve your new password because you’ve locked yourself out of your computer. Do you:

A. Moan pitifully and curl up in the fetal position  

B. Throw yourself out of the window (if you’re lucky enough to even have a window)

C. Punch a hole through your computer screen

Congratulations you have completed the quiz. Give yourself a pat on the back champ!

Key learning points

1.       Recycle plastic not passwords

2.       DO NOT TRUST ANYONE. EVER

3.       Never use a secondhand sex toy

4.       Mmm, Spam

5.       Cybersecurity quizzes are quite patronising