Skip the middleman at this self-service clinic

Because doctors only get in the way.

---

The NovaMedica clinic, Australia’s first self-service medical practice, has opened its doors.

Future expert Professor Candid told The Medical Republic: “The new clinic is an extraordinary achievement and is going to be a real game-changer in the healthcare sector.”

On entering the NovaMedica clinic the “client” is welcomed by a hologram, which escorts them across the white marble antrum to one of the consulting booths.

“It’s very swish in there,” Barry, a 34-year-old hypochondriac from Melbourne, told TMR.

“One of the booths greeted me and offered me a smorgasbord of healthcare options ranging from prescription requests and pathology to specialist referrals and imaging.

“I’d always been curious about my blood group and my urinary iodine, my T3, my hair selenium, my total body histamine and my MTHFR status – basically anything that my GP had refused to do. I also opted for a full CT scan of my testicles just to be on the safe side.”

“The NovaMedica clinic is marvellous,” Professor Candid said. “It’s about convenience and it’s about equity of access and it proves once and for all that health-literate clients like Barry can comfortably skip the middleman.

“More importantly, though, it means that the Barrys of this world can get their hands on a range of useless tests, an expensive, unnecessary referral and a pair of glow-in-the-dark testicles – which, if we’re honest, is exactly what they deserve.”