A source has described the misguided séance that led to the proposal to employ physician assistants.
Queensland Health has resorted to the Ouija board to inspire its latest business case proposal, it has emerged.
“We were running seriously low on ideas,” board member Professor Candid told The Medical Republic. “So we sat round in a circle, lit some candles and dusted off the old Hasbro Ouija board.”
In no time at all the group had summoned the demonic spirit of the UK’s National Health Service.
“The planchette began to spin and quickly spelled out three distinct words – ‘Physik thy aide’ – which we took to mean physician assistant,” Professor Candid said.
“It was then that a noisy miner screeched twice at the window pane, and you can’t tell me that wasn’t a Satanic sign!”
When TMR contacted the restless, malignant spirit of the NHS ourselves, a foul vapour filled the newsroom and there was an evil cackling sound that approximated to: “Replacing well trained doctors with PAs is a demonic British idea, and it’s the sort of maleficent advice you should expect to get if you’re prepared to look to a cruel, failed, dying system like me for guidance.”
