Paging Doctor Elmo

Or perhaps you'd prefer to see another one of the Children's Television Workshop team?

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Can you tell me how to get, how to get to the Sesame Street Medical Centre? 

Back in January, Elmo (of Sesame Street fame) posted an innocent enough question on their X account: “How is everybody doing?” 

And the internet went nuts, ignoring the fact that a three-and-a-half-year-old was talking to a whole bunch of strange adults (this is X, remember) on the internet. 

Many of the replies and reposts related to how people were feeling stressed, depressed or anxious, such as this response: 

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Elmo was asking audiences about their feelings – characters from the show have been doing it for years – and Sesame Street has a long history of working with US government departments to distribute and promote mental health resources designed for parents and children alike.  

The latest project the crew from Sesame Street are working on are resources on talking with kids about parental substance use, STAT News reported earlier this month. The move comes after the show introduced a new character, Karli, who was living in foster care due to their mother’s substance use issues, back in 2019. 

“[We] try to make sure that we use our Muppets in a way that is not scary, but at the same time, provides a scenario that’s comforting. We do a lot of research on what is happening, where are the gaps? How is media presenting different topics?” Jeanette Betancourt, senior vice president for US social impact at Sesame Workshop (formerly the Children’s Television Workshop), said earlier this year. 

This got your Back Page scribbler thinking – if you had to have one of the characters from Sesame Street (or the broader Muppet universe) be your doctor and tell you all about physical and mental health – who would you choose? 

Let’s consider the candidates. 

Elmo: His friendly and cheerful nature would probably translate into a good bedside manner, although his tendency to refer to himself in the third person (“Dr Elmo is going to take your temperature now”, “Dr Elmo wants you to turn your head and cough”) would probably get a little unsettling. 

Big Bird: Being older and taller than Elmo would be an advantage in terms of patient confidence, and his curious nature would be beneficial to finding the right diagnosis. Might be hard to overcome the nagging fear of avian influenza, however. 

Cookie Monster: The blue fur and baritone voice would provide a calming environment for patients, yet his cookie-heavy treatment approaches might not the best choice for diabetics or people with eating disorders. 

Oscar the Grouch: Would be a pessimistic straight shooter with your prognosis, although getting him to follow good hygiene practices might be a challenge. He lives in a garbage can, for heaven’s sake.  

Count von Count: Drawing blood shouldn’t be a problem for this harmless vampire, who may also be able to help the local practice stay out of any payroll tax-related trouble by staying on top of patient numbers and cash flow. One! One bulk-billed patient … Two! two bulk-billed patients …  

Kermit the Frog: The no-nonsense de facto leader of the Muppets seems like a safe pair of hands and would most likely be highly empathetic towards his sick patients. He knows it’s not easy being green.  

Fozzie Bear: If his competency as a doctor is anywhere near his abilities (or lack thereof) as a stand-up comedian, this would be a terrifying choice. The only thing more painful than dying of cancer would be having to sit through his act. Waka waka! 

Dr Bunsen Honeydew: Potentially the most appropriately qualified being in the Muppetverse, but probably a liability in the malpractice department given how often his experiments end up causing serious injury to his long-time assistant, Beaker. 

Miss Piggy: Her strong and domineering personality might align with the traditional stereotype of a surgeon, but unfortunately this porcine practitioner, similarly to Big Bird, would present too great a threat of swine flu.  

Dr Teeth: Dr Gerald Teeth Jr originally trained and worked as a dentist before getting into the music business, which probably makes the frontman of The Electric Mayhem more qualified than Dr Honeydew. But if you had cancer, you wouldn’t call a dentist – would you? 

While there are certainly some tempting options, I’m not sure if I would take medical advice from someone suffering from this particular condition: 

Tell penny@medicalrepublic.com.au which Play School characters would make the best journalists.