One item number to rule them all

How to properly simplify Medicare billing.

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A recent RACGP survey has found that nobody has a clue when it comes to Medicare billing items and those who claim to are just lying.

“The findings are quite troubling,” admitted Medicare billing items expert Professor Candid.

“The overwhelming majority of GPs can’t define billing codes and aren’t even confident where to look. I think this reflects the complexity of the system and the speed with which it’s changing rather than any mental deficiency among GPs.

“Three thousand billing codes have changed in the past three years alone and I think it’s been proven that you need at least a PhD in the subject – and ideally to be called Margaret – to know what’s going on.”

The government commissioned health economist Dr Pradeep Philip to review Medicare’s integrity following reports of massive rorting and leakage.

“We’ve taken on board the findings of the Philip review,” continued Professor Candid, “and in 2024 we’ve decided to replace the thousands of billing items currently used in general practice with just one all-encompassing easy-to-remember code.”

The Medical Republic learnt that this code will be 58008.

After lengthy questioning Professor Candid eventually admitted that it’s because it spells out the word BOOBS on a calculator.

He ended the interview by saying “How do you get your porn star name? Take your mum’s first name; and then add her surname to it”, which left TMR feeling very confused.