You can cancel out the inevitable cognitive decline from smoking by being *shudders* social. Ugh.
Once upon a time, this Back Page scribbler enjoyed the not-so-occasional cigarette. As for all 20-somethings during the illustrious pandemic times, this quickly led to a pretty serious vape addiction.
I used to sleep with a vape in my hand so there was no delay in getting that first morning inhale as soon as I was conscious. I mean, it’s fruit-flavoured air that makes you feel better, and you can puff on it all day long no matter where you are; what’s not to love?
But it turns out I was right to quit it all.
You see, the sacrifice to remain cognitively able throughout life as a smoker is just too great for me. In order to avoid the well-established cognitive decline associated with smoking, I would have to see my family.
Every.
Single.
Week.
…
Yeah, nah.
A UK study of 32,000 adults aged 50+ over 14 European countries found that smoking lifestyles were associated with a decline in cognitive scores up to 85% more than non-smoking lifestyles. This decline was assessed over a 10-year period using standardising testing.
However, researchers found that a smoker can basically have the same rate of cognitive decline as a non-smoker if they’re healthy in other areas of life: drinking in moderation, exercising regularly, and engaging in social activity.
As far as sacrifices go, these don’t sound too bad.
They defined drinking in moderation as no more than two alcoholic beverages a day for men and one for women. I guess this means blokes can ignore our national alcohol guidelines of no more than 10 a week but sorry ladies, only seven for you.
Bloody patriarchy.
Regular exercise was another one that didn’t seem too hard to tick off. Their definition was far less onerous than what our guidelines suggest.
Instead of slaving away most days of the week to try and achieve the optimal two to five hours of moderate exercise and one to three hours of vigorous activity, this study suggests that to cancel out cognitive decline from smoking, you only have to exercise moderately and vigorously once a week.
It didn’t even specify for how long exercise was required, so if your cardiovascular function from a lifetime of smoking is impaired enough, a brisk walk up a flight of stairs once a week and then a moderately-taxing walk back down could potentially do the trick.
I do love a loophole.
But it’s the final duty required to avoid cognitive decline that gets a hard pass from me.
Combined with not drinking too much and occasionally breaking a sweat, social engagement with family or friends once a week is the final step in avoiding cognitive decline.
I suppose I could see friends but if I’m not allowed more than two bevvies, I’m not sure how enjoyable a time it would be. I don’t believe our Aussie culture allows for social engagements that aren’t centred around the consumption of alcohol, and I doubt any of my friends would be interested in that noise.
That leaves only family as the social option, but studies are yet to confirm if my intense and prolonged rise in blood pressure in their presence would bugger my brain and body worse than smoking anyway.
I suppose for now I’m stuck being a non-smoker.
Send cures worse than the disease to penny@medicalrepublic.com.au.
