28 October 2021

Improve your terrible GP communication skills

Humoural Theory RedHerring

Do you have a ‘poor bedside manner’? Do you occasionally speak your mind? Let the Neuralink5000 handle those tough conversations.


The Neuralink5000 is a revolutionary new technology which uses the latest in machine learning to improve your general practice communication skills. 

Simply attach the Neuralink5000 to your head, allow it time to calibrate to your own unique neuronal architecture and you too can benefit from this amazing technology. 

The Neuralink5000 detects your thoughts and before they’re spoken out loud it transforms them into socially acceptable sentences. 

Here are just some of the testimonials:

“Before Neuralink I was having a really tough time. If a morbidly obese diabetic with an HbA1c of 15 wobbled into my consulting room and told me they eat like a rabbit I’d want to call them a lying bastard. But now the Neuralink steps in and what comes out of my mouth is ‘Oh dear, that must be so difficult for you’.” Dr John Williams, GP 

“Tell him to go and stick it up his arse! That’s what I would’ve said if a patient told me his chiropractor wants me to order a CT scan of his entire spine. But now thanks to Neuralink I say, ‘That’s a very interesting idea, I appreciate your concerns’.” Dr Emmie Brooks 

“Thanks to Neuralink, I no longer want to say ‘Oh why don’t you just *&^% off and die’ when a somatising patient comes in for the hundredth time about their ‘adrenal fatigue’. Neuralink steps right in there and effortlessly changes it to ‘This must be a very challenging time for both you and your family, what’s the best way I can help you today?’ and it’s plain sailing from there on in.” Professor Candid 

Set up an instalment plan today and the Neuralink-5000 can be yours for as little as $10 a month.  

Hurry! If you order before 1 November you also get a free cleaning attachment, 10 non-reusable scalp probes and a matching gift box.

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