I dreamed a dream of general practice

From yellow patients to giant fibroids to faceless agents accusing you of unnamed crimes, these are nightmares that Kafka and Lovecraft would be proud of.

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You’re not really a proper GP unless you’ve had one of these recurring nightmares.

Exam hall

You’re sat at a desk and you’re just about to turn over the exam paper when you remember you’ve forgotten to revise. This is a common recurring nightmare, a crepuscular highway to your insecurities and your ever-present imposter syndrome.

Think about it, you haven’t had to pass a serious exam for the past 20 years and yet you still dream about failure! How damaged are you?!

Work

It sounds banal but dreaming about work can be horrific. On Best Practice once a patient has arrived their name turns yellow and in this recurring nightmare no matter how far you scroll down your appointment screen it’s yellow patients all the way.

After this you’re sure to wake up drenched in the cold sweat of an overwhelming anticipation anxiety.

PSR

There’s a knock at the door and a faceless government agent hands you an envelope. You are now a criminal living under the scrutinising geometry of the PSR with its concrete buildings and communist shadows. The best thing is you never get to know what it’s about or what the charges are!

Nemesis

We all have difficult patients but in this dreamscape everyone you come across has the leering face of your nemesis: the builders on a construction site, your uber driver, even the baby being walked in its pram. Get too close and your nemesis will lean in and silently mouth “Help me, doctor”, which for some reason makes all your teeth fall out. After this you may wake up covered in little bits of sick. 

Giant fibroid

Dreaming about a giant fibroid pursuing you through the streets of a deserted city is more common than you think. General practice is a lonely business – ultimately it’s just you and the patient – so it’s no wonder you’re dreaming about an empty city, but the giant fibroid is anybody’s guess. Maybe you should’ve paid more attention to your gynae lectures!