How not to have an affair

Who knew the way to stay faithful is to think, or feel, before you act.

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In news that could only be shocking to narcissists and psychopaths, taking your partner’s feelings into consideration makes it less likely that you’ll betray their trust. 

A team of psychologists from Reichman University in Israel and University of Rochester in New York used a series of experiments to test whether considering your loved one’s feelings could prevent “partnership-destroying behaviours” like infidelity.  

Participants were around 400 Israeli men and women, all of whom were in monogamous, heterosexual relationships that had lasted four months or longer.  

They were randomly selected to adopt their partners’ perspective or keep their own, then observed as they witnessed or imagined attractive strangers (how this attractiveness was measured is unclear).  

While participants engaged in their flights of fancy, researchers recorded how, and to what degree, they expressed interest in the strangers, and how this interest compared to each participant’s commitment to and desire for their current romantic partner.  

Researchers found that participants who adopted their partner’s perspective, in other words took their partner’s feelings into consideration, had higher levels of commitment to and desire for their current partner.  

Those who stepped into their partner’s shoes also had less sexual and romantic interest in the attractive strangers, whom the authors referred to as “alternative mates”. 

The authors say their findings, published in the Journal of Sex Research, could help those in monogamous relationships resist the temptation to be unfaithful, at least if it’s short-lived. 

“People often cheat not because they planned to do so. Rather, the opportunity presented itself and they were too depleted – too tired, too drunk, too distracted – to fight the temptation,” said lead author Professor Gurit Birnbaum in a press release.   

“Active consideration of how romantic partners may be affected by these situations serves as a strategy that encourages people to control their responses to attractive alternative partners and derogate their attractiveness,” he said. 

Although if the only way to stop yourself cheating on your partner is putting a careful “strategy” in place, it might be time to abandon monogamy altogether. 

Let penny@medicalrepublic.com.au know if you’re being led astray.