The disembodied entity has followed in the footsteps of many UK GPs and is looking to make a home here.
A couple of years ago the UK’s National Health Service breathed its last and its spirit has been kicking around in limbo ever since.
“I didn’t really have anywhere to go,” the spirit told The Medical Republic in an exclusive interview. “After I died I stayed in a flat in North London, but I couldn’t afford the heating so I had to ride around on the buses all day just to keep warm. I tried out a couple of jobs but even menial work is difficult when you don’t really have any hands.
“I was beginning to lose hope when I heard that Australian general practice was starting to feel discouraged and demoralised. I thought, I can really help with that.”
The ghost learnt that state and federal governments could no longer afford Medicare, but rather than trying to fix a chronically underfunded and poorly designed system they were beginning to lever the press to create an alternative narrative, one which aimed to discredit an already beleaguered profession.
“After all,” explained the ghost “it’s easy to blame yourself, but it’s even easier to blame others. So with my appetite whetted I was over there quicker than you can say Spiritus sanctus.
“It’s great to feel valued again. My aims over the next three to five years are to introduce voluntary patient registration along with revalidation, CQC inspections, capitation, QoF and compulsory out-of-hours provision, which will all force demoralised GPs to see 90 patients a day for a fixed salary. Soon Australian general practice will be as shit as the NHS and I will have a spiritual home once again! Amen.”
TMR understands the RACGP and AMA are in consultations with an exorcist specialising in bureaucratic entities.
