Let’s play true or false.
Can you tell the new US health secretary’s real beliefs from some complete bullshit we just made up on the spot?
See how you go!
True or false:
1. Covid-19 was created in a Chinese laboratory and unleashed on an unsuspecting world
2. The Chinese communist party has successfully combined a frog with a newt creating the world’s first Frewt
3. The CCP has used CRISPR technology to combine a man with a pork pie creating a hideously deformed pie-man hybrid who pukes Branston pickle everywhere.
4. International pop icon Mike Jagger only eats yellow food.
5. Freddie Mercury’s real name was Johnnie Copper
6. Fluoride in tap water causes little holes to appear in innocent children’s brains rendering them useless
7. A breastfeeding mum’s let-down reflex is best triggered by listening to
- I’m scum by The Idles
- The Portrait de la Jeune Fille en Feu soundtrack
- Mareux’s The Perfect Girl which is probably the best cover of a Cure song ever
8. Actor Danny DeVito has webbed feet so that although he can only lumber around on land he can swim really really fast.
9. Bob Ross’s painting are clues to where he has hidden the bodies
10. AIDS is God’s punishment
11. It’s easier to stop a $500-a-day IV heroin addiction than it is to come off 20mg of fluoxetine
12. 5G causes your balls to explode
And the correct answers are … uhh … look, the past few weeks have been so mindmeltingly stupid we’ve forgotten and we’re just grateful the world’s largest ocean separates us from him.
