What fulfilment and satisfaction will this week in general practice bring?
Monday
Mrs Ellis booked in with me today to ask for her “Dom Pérignon” tablets.
Oh, how we laughed – she’s been saying that for the past six years!
Every time I cheekily correct her and say “Don’t you mean your domperidone tablets, Mrs Ellis?” What a giggle we have!
… How did my life come to this?
Tuesday
Watched a new Four Corners documentary today.
I think they call it that because they want to give viewers the impression that they’ve diligently scoured the four corners of the earth for their facts. Given that the average spare bedroom has eight corners, “four corners” all of a sudden doesn’t seem that impressive.
Anyway, the so-called “documentary” was called “Devil Doctors: Widespread Satanism in the medical profession”. At one point a doctor enjoys a full-on open-mouthed kiss with the devil while another rolls around naked in a money pit screaming louder than Warwick Davis did after he found out they were remaking Willow.
Is it me or is the government and the media it controls deliberately setting out to destroy the medical profession’s reputation so they can justify cost-cutting and top-down control? Or maybe I’m just getting old.
Wednesday
I handed a sputum pot to a patient today and told him it’d be a good idea to send a sample off to the lab. In his wisdom he stood up, unscrewed the top and tried to hack one up there and then. Problem is his sticky, bright green lung oyster slid off the side of the pot and spattered onto my carpet. I’m just thankful he wasn’t there for a semen analysis.
Thursday
I have a sprightly 84-year-old lady who recently got back from a QE2 cruise to New Zealand and will be flying off to Monaco later in the month.
I got a message from her because she’d received a text from the practice informing her about changes to our billing system. Turns out she just wanted to check that I’d still bulk bill her. I told her that I would and wished her a nice time in Monaco. I also said that I hadn’t had a proper holiday for the last three years, but I don’t think she heard that last bit.
Had an urgent booking this afternoon. A mother brought her seven-year-old in to see me after he’d drunk a whole glass of undiluted orange concentrate. I told him to drink a glass of water and jump up and down a bit. Not sure if there any guidelines on this.
Just as they were leaving he spotted a bright green lolly on the carpet and asked if he could have it. I was too tired to intervene.
Friday
A patient I’ve never seen before booked in with me because he thought I was a dentist. Bit strange, that, because it clearly says “Doctor’s Surgery” in great big letters up the side of the building. I offered to show him where the nearest dentist is on Google Maps and I even took him out to the car park so I could point to the building across the road which has “Dental Practice” written on it.
Anyway, turns out he just wanted endone.
I think I know how he feels.
