Death from the skies would make a nice change

You know the pandemic has gone on too long when you hear prehistoric predator pressers in your head.

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Seeking relief after the daily covid press conference, the Back Page was delighted to read that Australia once had its very own dragon.

The pterosaur known as Thapunngaka shawi, according to researchers from the University of Queensland who studied a fossil of its jaw, was the continent’s largest flying reptile with a 7m wingspan – and a skull over a metre long.

These incredible predators would have wheeled over what is now outback Queensland and feasted on the creatures in the long-gone Eromanga Sea, according to the findings published in the Journey of Vertebrate Paleontology.

“This thing would have been quite savage,” according to co-author PhD candidate Tim Richards, from the University of Queensland’s Dinosaur Lab.

“It would have cast a great shadow over some quivering little dinosaur that wouldn’t have heard it until it was too late.

“It’s tempting to think it may have swooped like a magpie during mating season, making your local magpie swoop look pretty trivial – no amount of zip ties would have saved you.”

It makes us think how different life in Australia would be if these terrifying creatures were still with us.

But would it really? Unfortunately this is the scenario that plays out in our heads:

“In the 24 hours to 8pm last night there were 114 new pterosaur attacks, and sadly 17 deaths.

“We have 48 pterosaur attack victims in hospital, 21 of them in ICU, none of whom were wearing their government-mandated armoured exoskeleton at the time when they were swooped on from above.

“We ask you again to stay home, do not mingle with friends and family in outdoor areas, and when you do go out, wear your exoskeleton at all times.

“To those people not complying with the exoskeleton mandate, please know: this is a particularly dangerous species of pterosaur. Only people with legitimate health reasons are exempt.

“Please come forward to be fitted – they are free and available from your GP or your nearest state-run exoskeleton hub.

“Zip ties are not an effective substitute.”

Send raptor news to felicity@medicalrepublic.com.au.