Don’t wait for AHPRA, take our validated elderliness test to find out.
AHPRA are threatening mandatory health checks for the over-70s.
But are you beginning to feel the cold cruel hands of time tightening around your neck?
Check your practising age with our quiz!
1. Your practice has linked an AI scribe to your software. Do you
A) Eagerly embrace the technology
B) Use it once and then go back to typing with two fingers
C) Think of at least five unassailable reasons why AI scribes mean the end of the world and threaten to smash up the machine with a pitchfork and a plank of wood.
2. Your registrar asks you if they should start their patient on a statin.
A) Having recently attended a three-day lipid guideline conference in Malaysia you can confidently answer their question
B) Give advice based on the 1996 guidelines when things were a lot simpler. Well, it worked back then, why not now?
C) Guidelines change every five minutes and big pharma has such a corrupting influence on the data that you decide to flip a coin. Oh look, it’s heads, maybe you’re better off not prescribing a statin.
3. How are the two objects correlated?
A) Huh?
B) My Dad told me about cassette tapes once, but I’ve never actually seen one.
C) Are you joking? My first mix tape had New Order’s Blue Monday, the Pet Shop Boys and err … oh … what were they called again … it’s on the tip of my tongue.
4. A very anxious patient you have known for eight years comes in after watching the presidential election campaign complaining of palpitations. Do you
A) Take a full history and examine the patient; order bloods, ECG and a holter monitor
B) Auscultate
C) Casually check their pulse while thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner, and then say something reassuring like: “Look, I know Donald Trump is a bit of an arsehole but it really isn’t the end of the world and besides anyone who can cover 90% of their head with only 10% of their hair must have something going for them!”
5. A gen alpha patient says “Doc, I got this weird pain in my leg, no cap bro – like, it’s giving glitch vibes or something. You sure I’m good?” Do you
A) Say sigma bro, get on the couch.
B) Say cowabunga dude and wonder why they’re looking at you like that.
C) Stare at them and then show them a picture of a pencil and a cassette tape.
6. Your patient needs some tests but you’ve forgotten to take a specimen bag out of your drawer. Do you
A) Bound across the room like a coked-up gazelle.
B) Sigh, slowly get out of your chair, trudge over to the drawer and then slowly trudge back again, sighing as you sit back down again, only to realise you’ve forgotten the specimen pot.
C) Stay on your chair and use your desk to push yourself across the room, it’s great fun!
7. You’re looking forward to the new GP1 registrar starting because
A) You can impart all your knowledge and mould their personality.
B) It’s going to be a mutually rewarding experience.
C) You can’t wait to ask them all about the new lipid guidelines, since you haven’t really read any since 1995 when you watched Heat in the cinema and sat mesmerised with goosebumps through the end credits wondering what you’d just seen.
8. A patient asks you for yet another prescription of sildenafil and tadalafil. They’re going on a road trip and they don’t want to run short. Also do you prescribe testosterone and a friend they know is getting poppers, do you prescribe those as well?
A) Prescribe a crateload of Viagra.
B) Offer an STI screen.
C) Suggest they read a book instead. You’re wading through the complete poetic works of William Blake at the moment and in “Europe: a Prophecy” he writes:
“the shadows are filld
With spectres, and the windows wove over with curses of iron:
Over the doors Thou shalt not; & over the chimneys Fear is written:
With bands of iron round their necks fasten’d into the walls
The citizens: in leaden gyves the inhabitants of suburbs
Walk heavy: soft and bent are the bones of villagers”
Actually, when you think about it, the villagers sound just like GPs.
And if you got a lot of Cs, well, we hope your super’s looking healthier than your career prospects.
