All you need is Love Potion No 9

Every self-romancing journey should start with a cup of herbal tea.

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One of niggling annoyances of being an editor is having to swat away the swarms of media releases that buzz around one’s inbox.

The overwhelming majority of these come from public relations firms adopting a “spray and pray” approach, rather than targeting their messages to a publication’s specific readership.

Normally these digital distractions are swiftly terminated with extreme prejudice, but occasionally there’s an example so egregious it screams out to be shared more widely.

Yes, we are talking about you, Heart Therapeutics, and your collection of herbal teas designed to accompany us on our “wellness journeys”.

Thank you for telling us your founder not only has a bachelor’s degree in “naturopathy” but is also a qualified chef. That’s all we really need in the way of assurance that your “gentle herbal tea remedy” with its “warming energetics” is specifically designed to “support and nurture” my broken heart in times of stress and grief.

The fact that your loose-leaf teas are “hand packaged in apothecary-style vessels with traditional cork stoppers” is certainly a telling factor in ascertaining the product’s efficacy.

But, with your Back Page correspondent being a gentleman of advancing years, it’s your “Love potion” herbal concoction that really sparks our interest. How could we not be tempted by a “warming aphrodisiac tonic” which will “ignite love and bliss in the body and mind”?

Especially as you tell us Love Potion can be used for both “shared love” or “solo self-love rituals” – genuinely the first time we’ve heard it called that – and has a “taste profile” of “sexy rose with slightly chocolatey hints”.

The only thing missing is a Barry White soundtrack, or perhaps this long-forgotten gem from the 1950s:

If you see something that makes you go WTF? Email felicity@medicalrepublic.com.au.