Versatile, flexible, easy to clean and quiet as a mouse. Who could ask for more?
Feel ill? Need someone to tell you thereâs sweet FA wrong with you? Canât get in to see your GP for another three weeks?
Then stop answering rhetorical questions and worry no more.
The federal government is proud to reveal âThe Doctor Dollâ.
The Doctor Doll is latex stretched over cutting-edge technology, a flesh-coloured, human-sized masterpiece.âŻ
Built in a secret factory out in the desert somewhere it has an approved ATAR rating of 99.95% and comes with a six-year medical degree from Sydney University.âŻ
And thatâs not all. The doll also boasts two years of hospital rotations and comes in two varieties — âThe Albaneseâ and âThe Butlerâ.âŻ
TestimonialsâŻ
âWeâre in a workforce shortage area and couldnât recruit a GP trainee for toffee, so we purchased The Butler. Brimming with knowledge and unwavering enthusiasm, he was a pleasure to teach.â — Dr Figueras, GP trainer.
âIâŻcouldnât get in to see my own GP and I didnât want to see a pharmacist or a nurse practitioner and I certainly didnât want to wait all night for a locum to come out, so I bit the bullet and saw the doll instead. He was great, very efficient, although he did look like one of those fleshlight things you see advertised online. Not that Iâve ever seen one â someone just told me about it â I donât do that kind of thing, Iâm married.â — Bradley Cummings, a wanker from NSW.âŻ
âThe doll bulk bills everything that comes through the door, never complains, never gets tired, has impeccable manners and best of all comes with a dishwashable snap-on Albanese head.â — Ms Gala Lligat, practice manager.âŻ
âI tried having sex with it but it was like trying to bath a cat. Ended up in ED with a broken ball.ââŻâ Anon. âŻ
The Albanese and Butler dolls will both delight and entertain and offer sustainable solutions to the workforce shortage and the governmentâs ever-growing Medicare bill.âŻ
The doll now comes with breasts.
