1 August 2018

Canberra announces opt out of My Financial Record

Fake News RedHerring

Today, the department of treasury announced a My Financial Record will be created for everyone – unless you tell them you don’t want one by 15/10/2018.

When you have a My Financial Record, your financial information can be viewed securely online, from any computer or device that’s connected to the internet.

Whether you’re visiting a shop for a purchase, or in a restaurant for dinner, but forgot to bring your wallet, any shop keeper, waiter or waitress involved in serving you can access important financial information, such as:

• loan status
• previous bad debt, bankruptcy
• credit card limits
• shopping history
• criminal history related to dodgy dealings

This can help you pay for the items or service. You don’t need to be poor to benefit from having a My Financial Record.

It’s a convenient way to record and track your financial information over time by the shop keepers, restaurants also Loan Sharks and Government Agencies like ATO, Centrelink and NDIA et cetera.

You control your record

You can choose to share your financial information with the restaurant/retailers involving in your purchase. But they can also view it at anytime without your consent.

Be reassured we have policy in place to deal with those who assess your information illegally, we are just not sure exactly where and what they are.

The System Operator responsible is the Australian Digital Health Agency. The CEO, who has learned from his failed attempts in the UK, will endeavour not to be discovered about his wrongdoings this time.

If you wish, you can manage your My Financial Record by adding your own information and choosing your privacy and security settings. For example, you can:

• Add or edit personal notes about your loan and bad debts, but your waiter can still access it in an ’emergency’ they deem as gustatory necessary or when you want that new Gucci bag and cant afford it

• Set access controls to restrict who can and can’t see your financial information – NOTE: Unfortunately this will require a bachelor degree in computer science in order to get the settings right

• Review your own financial information, and see the information your waiter can see and get completely confused about what all the secret discount codes mean

• Set up SMS or email notifications so you know when a waiter or shop keeper first accesses your record but not the police, or via a terminal occasional left unattended by another waiter in McDonalds

Next time you see your waiter or shopkeeper, ask them to add your financial information to your My Financial Record. The more people who use MFR, the better since it will be very useful to have unnecessary information on the system to enhance your next purchase experience.

Your next waiter would really enjoy reading 41 pages of your previous purchase from Coles before serving you the ice cream you desperately need.

By allowing your waiters to upload, view and share documents in your My Financial Record, they will have a more detailed picture to help you to make decisions in purchases and they can provide better products for you in the future according to your record.

You can also ask that some information not be uploaded to your record, including all the actually crucial information which will eventually render your record completely useless.

A My Financial Record for every Australian in 2018

This year, you will get a My Financial Record unless you tell us you don’t want one.

However, a record may have been created for you already, randomly by someone and nothing you can do about it. As more people use the My Financial Record system, Australia’s national financial system becomes better connected (Disclaimer: we actually have no idea why it will and have no evidence to back this up).

The result is safer, faster and more efficient cash for you and your family.

If you don’t have a My Financial Record, and don’t want one created for you, you can opt out between 16 July and 15 October 2018.

This post by Dr Bernard Shiu may or may not be satire. You’ll have to check. 

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1 Comment on "Canberra announces opt out of My Financial Record"

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Lou Lewis
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Lou Lewis
15 days 7 hours ago

If this article was written in any other time in history I would definitely say that this is excellent satire, but in today’s climate I actually believe that this is a true article based on fact!!!
Bernard, I am not going to opt out of his financial record because all in order to opt out I must have some finances and ever since the great freeze I have been lacking in finances so please, pretty please Bernard show me how I cannot opt out!
In all seriousness a very clever witty piece of satire submitted byDr Bernard Shiu .
Cheers
Lou

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